Dry Hard by Nick Spalding

Dry Hard by Nick Spalding

Author:Nick Spalding [Spalding, Nick]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-01-07T23:00:00+00:00

You’ll be amazed to know that Zooby did not put our episode of Lovin’ Life up on YouTube. In fact, it was a good two weeks before she returned at all. When she did, she seemed quite subdued . . . and had developed a slight twitch in her left eye.

Holly did upload the footage she had caught with her camera, using the Dry Hard hashtag.

BucketFace absolutely loved it.

So did everybody else.

Even Kate managed to see the funny side, after her towering rage had subsided. After all, the video led to a massive uptick in our subscriber count, so the guest appearance achieved exactly what she wanted it to . . . in a roundabout kind of way.

I have had to endure endless tweets and Facebook posts featuring a large variety of giant squid, of course. This was rather inevitable. My social media feeds have been about 90 per cent kraken for the past few weeks, but I’m willing to put up with this, as the red welts have almost faded and I’ve suffered no ill effects from my cupping experience.

. . . other than becoming allergic to calamari, for some reason.

Sadly, the trip to Zooby’s world did nothing to alleviate my ongoing struggles with sobriety. I’m still stressed and anxious pretty much every day, and still gamely searching for some kind of solution. It’s quite clear that I’m not going to find one on YouTube though.

Having said that, BucketFace always seems quite happy with the world. Maybe if I pop the orange bucket I have in the garage on my head, it might improve my sense of well-being no end. I wouldn’t be able to see Charlton Camberwell any more – and that could only be a good thing, surely?

When I mention this to Kate, she looks at me like I’ve gone mad.

This is entirely understandable.

What on earth am I thinking?

. . . the bucket in the garage is way too small for my head. I’d need to go and buy a new one from B&Q.


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