PJ Harvey's Rid of Me by Schatz Kate

PJ Harvey's Rid of Me by Schatz Kate

Author:Schatz, Kate
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Continuum International Publishing
Published: 2007-04-14T16:00:00+00:00


4.

I was a giant girl born into a family of men, born into great power that I’ve never had. I am a forbidden queen born to people who only want kings. I get trumped by dukes and princes, little boys I could crack like twigs. I get gold withheld. I feel filled with jewels. I get locked in the castle, stranded in the moat. My furs get doused, my lips get chapped. I get denied my own birthright. They wanted a son. They had to have a son. My forceful father and poor, poor mother, trying and trying and getting nothing. They blamed it all on her—astrology, bone structure, eyes, thighs, will. Every wife except my mother was successful—there were so many men in the family it was unnatural. My father and all his younger brothers, all their uncles and cousins. They saw it as some sign. Of their dynasty. Mother was the icy field, the wrench in my father’s machine. Ruining his chances. And then—right when he was going to divorce her—she was late. She didn’t bleed. The doctor came and tested her and it was true: they’d conceived. There was a grand party—I’ve seen pictures—and the entire family and all their lavish friends were there. As the months went on she grew bigger and bigger—too big, dangerously massive—and though the doctors offered to test the baby’s sex (my sex), my father, so proud and stupid, refused. I was so surely a hulking boy. After five months she couldn’t even walk, at six she was hospitalized, at seven I was a medical freak. They thought I must be twins, no baby could be so big. I was punching and kicking and my father was bragging and my mother was—dying. She stopped breathing while I was halfway out, in limbo, partially in the hostile world, partially in her heaving body. Maybe she knew what I was and that she had failed—and she lived to please him, all of them. I was too much for her. When they finally extracted me they saw what I was. A girl. It was just a little girl that killed her.



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