Overcoming Anger by Carol D Jones

Overcoming Anger by Carol D Jones

Author:Carol D Jones
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Adams Media
Published: 2004-04-20T04:00:00+00:00


The Relation of Stress Resistance to Anger

The stress resistance stage also works on an interpersonal level. Suppose you are having problems at home. Here you are, in front of your house after a bad day at work or school. As you ready yourself to open your front door— because of what’s been going on—your left-brain scanner activates. You’re ready for trouble. Perhaps you’re even rehearsing different defensive strategies in response to any of several different conflict scenarios that you anticipate could unfold.

Because you’re late, you figure your husband is going to grill you about where you’ve been. You expect he’ll probably complain that dinner isn’t ready, too, or that you didn’t get all the clothes folded and put away. So, before he gets on you, you decide you’ll remind him up front that he keeps forgetting to fix the broken sprinkler and never remembers to take out the trash.

You enter the house and find him in the kitchen preparing dinner. Aroused and ready to interpret nuances of even the most innocuous events in a negative or threatening way, you may actually be responsible for what’s known as a “self-fulfilling prophecy.” You’ve front-loaded yourself. Armed for bear, you don’t read the situation correctly, and you overreact. Oh great, you think, your husband never cooks. You just know he’s mad. Figuring that the best defense is a good offense, you start to tell him all his faults. He feels like he’s being attacked. All he was trying to do was surprise you with a couple of steaks. His feelings are hurt, but instead of saying so, he blows up, throws the frying pan, and stomps off to the garage.

Basically, you mishandled the situation due to your frame of mind and incorrect interpretations. Or you wind up blowing it because of the way you adapted your behavior to meet what you perceived to be a negatively loaded situation. So, you not only added to your stress level, but also may have actually caused the situation you wanted to avoid, a confrontation. And you may not even be aware of your part in it!



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