Go Suck a Lemon: Strategies for Improving Your Emotional Intelligence by Michael Cornwall

Go Suck a Lemon: Strategies for Improving Your Emotional Intelligence by Michael Cornwall

Author:Michael Cornwall [Cornwall, Michael]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: self help
ISBN: 9781456515607
Amazon: 1456515608
Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform
Published: 2012-03-21T04:00:00+00:00

People with an internal locus of control tend to be self–reliant and believe that they are responsible for outcomes, including the emotions they express in relation to the events they experience, both good and bad. People with an internal locus of control tend to view their emotions as a result of their own efforts.

People with an external locus of control tend to be more negative about others, themselves and their place in the world. Those with an external locus of control believe that forces outside of themselves affect their emotions and their ability to successfully manage emotion through improved thinking and perceiving. They tend to stake their futures on things such as fate, luck, god or society. People with an external locus of control (and those in most need of improvement in emotional intelligence) tend to view events and other people as the source of their emotional state:

Emotionally intelligent people traditionally express a clear and obvious internal locus of control in how they encounter others. Emotionally intelligent people seek to improve, even if they fail at achieving their goals; but they don’t seek to be perfect. They accept their fallibility and very–human potential for success and failure, strengths and weaknesses.

Unlike the story of Rudolph and the Island of Misfit Toys discussed in the previous chapter, improved emotional intelligence is not a process of proving to others that one is worthy of acceptance and approval, rendering the story of Rudolph and his friends the antithesis of what improved emotional intelligence is expected to represent.

We can accept ourselves even if we are not accepted by others. Emotionally intelligent people do not seek to demonstrate their goodness by displaying their talents and skills, hoping for applause and approval. Emotionally intelligent people seek to build self–acceptance in place of approval from others. Self-acceptance is an individual's satisfaction or happiness with oneself, and is thought to be necessary for good mental health. Self- and other-acceptance involves self-understanding, a realistic, albeit subjective, awareness of the imperfections inherent in ourselves and others. When we're self– and other-accepting, we acknowledge all facets of ourselves and others, strengths and weakness, successes and failures, not just the positive, more esteem–able parts, but all of it.

* * * *

Emotional intelligence theory stresses that true self–worth is not a product of how we are treated by others. On the contrary, our idea of human dignity cannot rely solely on how consistently and reliably others show us respect or express approval of our behavior. Mano Po, for instance, the Filipino custom previously discussed, although extraordinarily uplifting, should never be viewed as a replacement for self– and other-acceptance. In its magnificent simplicity, Mano Po makes experience and strength a dynamic of our dreams for the future; but it cannot become a replacement for our own ability to form our own rational, balanced judgments about ourselves and others – which can be fair, kind, hopeful and forgiving.

We must seek to improve our emotional intelligence by strengthening our dependence on our own logic, reason and, above all, ourselves for a truer measure of the worth we place on ourselves and others.



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